Case Study # 7:Lions, Trannies and Twinks...Oh My!

More Dates, Less Luck

Date #8


Date Stats

Status: Partial Freak

After 3 weeks of back and forth with this southern gent, we finally found a good night to meet. Last Wednesday we went to Old Town Bar on 18th for drinks. He showed up and looked just like his picture (a first for match.com!) but also looked like he fell out of a LL Bean Catalogue the wrong way.  It was a cross between frat boy and redneck.  Interesting combo.  He was cute and sweet though.  He paid for my drinks and seemed interested (sort of) in what I had to say.  

He did, however, have a weird problem with looking me in the eye.  Not a lazy eye, (thank gosh), but some weird nervous thing.  Not awesome looking at someone for 5 minutes without them looking at you, but hey..better than them staring at your boobs for 15 minutes! (That story to come later...)

Pictured above- A statue they have on campus...

now ask yourself again if they are hillbillies at Appalachian State U?

Tidbits I learned from our date
-He wasn't friends with "Those" Types of people - aka gay people. WOW. UMM OK?
-He finds NYC too busy, smelly and crazy.  Hmm Maybe you should LEAVE then.

-His brother is a magician (ok this I found kind of awesome, but also weird.)
-He was wearing man-jewelry-two bracelets and a necklace (this is NOT OK and isn't sexy.  Who wants to hook up with a guy who is wearing more bracelets than you?)
-He went to Appalachian State. Not judging, but actually...i'm judging*. (See statue picture above for judgement)
-He didn't realize christopher st had trannies and had never even seen one before! I advised him that trannies were amazing, but to be careful and not piss them off. They have the strength of a mann, with the emotions of a woman. Yikes. See Image below.

Overall he was nice, but his lack of acceptance for NYC, Trannies and all things fabulous was NOT ok. This is why you would be married if you lived in NC still, but this is why you are SINGLE in NYC..GOOD LUCK!

Urgent Update! Run Like An Egyptian: The Lazy Eye Lowdown...

Status Update

Week 9

The Status thus Far (64 days in)
Winks I've Sent: 67
Winks I've Received: 118
Emails I've Sent:95
Emails I've Received: 130
Profile Views: 1640
Dates I've Had: 9
Freak Count: 6

This just in....Urgent update on Case Study #6: Run...Like an Egyptian


Life Lesson & Takeaway 


Some guys just don't get it and I'm not sure they ever will.  After my disaster of a date on Sunday night, I thought it was pretty clear I didn't want to see him again.  Who would?  WELL...he has been texting me.    Last night it started with a "What's going on and what are you doing this weekend?"  First one I ignored, because I was out on another date (see tomorrow's *case study #7: Lions, Trannies and Twinks...Oh My!), but the second I just couldn't.  Below are the text messages I received...while I appreciate that you want some feedback, you are weird...and THIS is why you are single.

Message from him:

Message from him after I said "We should just be friends"

 What I said...

 His response...

Sooo the drama continues, I respond with...

His response...

Let's just leave it at that.  A polite, "Thanks, but no thanks" was all I could muster, BUT WTF.  I have one thing I would really like to say to you...

I'm glad that he wants to get some pointers and needs a little help, but I can't fix them all.  In short..here is what went wrong as summed up by my friend:

1. he didnt pay for you

2. dont go to king tut exhibits on the first date

3. he didnt pay for you

4. he was awkward
5. Lazy eye- Enough said

This is why you are single and undoubtedly a freak who can't take social cues.  

Drink, Drank, Drunk...

How much is too much to drink on a first date?  I've had my fair share of awkward drinking tales (see previous posts on recovering alcoholic date), but really how much should one person drink on a first date?

This has recently come into play in a few different people's dating lives and stories I've heard.

http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/02/04/modern-dating-etiquette-drinking-on-a-date/

I have a new rule.

He is fun and cute = Have a drink

He is just ok and a bit dull = Get your "drank on"

He is mostly offensive looking and a total ass = Just get drunk and excuse yourself



Now these aren't hard and fast rules to live by, but it is just a new assessment and standard I have set for myself.  It isn't the classiest and could be potentially pricey (especially if your date doesn't pay for you- *see previous story) but it sure could be fun!

My only caveat... drinking could lead to beer goggles, poor life choices and a complete disregard for how unattractive he was when you first showed up for the date.

A little gem from my dating life...

About a year ago I went on a date with a guy I met at a bar.  He seemed nice and cute enough when we met (*see beer goggles).  He took me to a bar in Grand Central, which was fun, but a bit generic and not very hip and the night went downhill fast.  Not only did I already have a drink before I showed up (with some friends), but I proceeded to drink in excess as he rambled on and on about politics, his job in banking and a slew of anti-feminist comments.  Once he told me to "Shut Up"  after I made a comment, it was all down hill from there. Drink, drank, DRUNK.

                                   

Poor life choice.  Cut to me 1 hour later politely (as polite as you can be drunk) excusing myself to say it was "Time for me to exit the fine drinking establishment" (direct quote he told me later...yikes).  I was a hot mess and ended up paying for it the next morning.  HOWEVER, he did pay for it that night (literally, he paid the tab) and even end up asking me out again.  Obviously, I said no, because I was embarrassed  and because he was gross. So ladies...raise a glass and have a drink.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  Especially if you have ever ended up on a date like mine, you will need that drink.

                                   

Case Study # 6:Run...Like an Egyptian

Date: # 8
Freaks: Lucky # 7


Just call me the freak finder...

Last night I went on a date with a rather unusual guy. I would say it goes down in my personal history as one of the weirdest dates ever.  Ok, so his stats are a little off, but don't scream crazy.  He even looked cute in his pics.  For a match profile he seemed pretty normal.  I'm here to tell you otherwise...

Mummies, tombs of the pharaohs and embalming...sexy right? Well this is what our first date consisted of, so now ask yourself if you are surprised he turned out to be a freak. I do commend him on trying to pick a "creative" first date, but being a museum, where you have to read a ton of signs and be somewhat quiet doesn't really lend its self well to getting to know someone.

He took me to the King Tut exhibit in times sq for our first date (and definitely our last) and by "took me" I mean I paid for my own ticket to the museum.  Already off to a great start...

Upon first impression, I must say...I wasn't impressed. Yet another post-college guy who thinks looking nice consists of an oversized button down and gross jeans, but hey...he complimented me on my outfit and said I looked nice, so extra points there!  

HOWEVER, there is one small, tiny detail that surprised me when we met up and I'm a little embarrassed to say it bothered me... HE HAD A LAZY EYE. Ok...so now that I said that and I am going to hell, (who's bringing the drinks?) I wasn't sure how to react.  I wasn't sure where to look when we talked or what was really going on there.  Also, you couldn't tell from any of his pictures he had this going on...what is a girl to do?

Random tidbits from last night:

-He asked me, "Of all the ethnicities in this wonderful world, which one produces your favorite food?" I kid you not... Who says that? Why not, what is your favorite food? 

-He didn't know what Glee, Modern Family or Community were.  Who ARE YOU?  How do you not know what these shows are?  You don't have to watch them, but have a general understanding of what everyone is talking about when they reference Gleeks or any current tv shows.

-He must have asked me the same thing 2-3 times over the course of 3 hours. Seriously.  It was like groundhog's day in date form. At dinner he asked me about my job and the type of events I went to...I mentioned a party I went to the previous week and explained about it etc.  30 minutes later he asked me what my most recent event was and what they are like...UMMM hi? It was like being on a date with someone who has anterograde amnesia.  He couldn't remember 1 thing I told him. 

-When the waitress asked what I wanted to drink, I said "Water for now" and Marc said, "We won't be drinking, thanks though" UMM excuse me? Have you been observing this date? Drinks were necessary, and would have eased my pain.

-I paid for not only my King Tut ticket, but also my half of dinner.  Basically I paid $60 to meet NYC's weirdest single man.  Awesome.

Nothing is more fun than looking at 3,000 year old corpses on a first date!

At the end of the night, he told me he had a wonderful time and would like to take me out again.  He said he would text me today (and he did) asking me out again.  I'm not sure what plant this kid was from, but no normal person would think this date went well. I politely declined. 

No offense, but between the not offering to pay, the weird eye thing, lack of pop culture info and amnesiac tendencies, I'm going to pass...and say THIS is why you are single...and pretty freaky. 

Out With The Old, In With...The Old?

Status Update
Week 8

The Status thus Far (57 days in)
Winks I've Sent: 62
Winks I've Received: 115
Emails I've Sent:92
Emails I've Received: 120
Profile Views: 1597
Dates I've Had: 7
Freak Count: 6


Some people are just freaks.  This is something we must embrace and accept.  However, we don't have to allow ourselves or our friends to date these people.  

http://freaks.monstrous.com/

*above is a real picture- hope he isn't on match.com!

FREAKS...a definition...

Some are obvious (*see above), but others are sneakier more subtle freaks.  See Exhibit A  below.  A friend of mine received this email from a guy on Match.com.  His info is also below - Exhibit B

Exhibit A

It doesn't get much weirder for a first email than the one above.

Love? Wtf.  The title of this email is not ok and might be the reason why you are still single...don't tell random girls you love them without meeting them.  It is WEIRD and also not very funny.

"Old as Dirt"

How old is too old to date?  When you are young, someone even a few years older seems ancient to you.  At what point is it just all relative?  Now I'm not saying I would date someone from Tales of the Crypt aka the 60 year old from my previous post, but hey this is nyc.  

Guys here mature at a snails pace.  35 in NYC is basically like 25 for men in other suburban parts of the country.  I don't want to date someone old as dirt, but age is nothing but a number right?  That's at least what I keep telling myself when all these old guys ask me out! 

I recently met a nice, "older guy" who seems like a gentleman (although he has had a few extra years of practice).  He is 37, owns his apartment and seems like a catch...the only catch to guys this age is why aren't they already married? This may loop back to the fact that 35 in nyc is like 25 anywhere else...well time will tell I guess why this guy is single.

AND WE'RE BACK!

After a bit of a hiatus from the blog (and from the onslaught of crazy men out there) I'm BACK with more news and stories from the great dating beyond...

My last entry was on Oct 1st and oh what a month it has been thus far!  More dates, more crazies and more drama.  Let's dive right back into the freak pool.

So many freaks, SO little time.  Below is yet another old man who thinks it is ok to wink at young ladies.  And when I say old...I mean OLD.  Stats below

"Old and Freakier" 

HE IS 60! THIS IS NOT OK.

Let's be real.  If I really wanted to date someone 60 I would cruise the senior center or take a 5pm dinner at the local Bob Evans.  I'm sure I could find a Silver Fox there...but that isn't really my scene.  

umm duh...

Exhibit A

But maybe he has something good going for him...he kind of looks like a famous old Star Treker..PATRICK STEWART.  Or maybe that is just the bald head.

Exhibit B

"Intense Email Syndrome"

Below is just a sampling of some of the more recent crazy emails I have received.  These are unprovoked, unwanted and mostly unnecessary over-shares.  Please see Exhibit C.

Exhibit C

Both of these emails are quite special in their own way.  The first, "I love having a best friend who's both a friend and a lover" and the second, "I really love the urban creature comforts and the opportunities they afford."  YIKE.  Both of these guys, are totally clueless, not just when it comes to women, but also when it comes to social appropriateness.  These sentences are just weird, so I can only imagine what they would be like on dates..

SomeEcards.com is an amazing e-card website!

Freaks 'R Us

I don't understand what some people are thinking when they decide to fill out their profiles. Do they want people to think they are freaks? I'm starting to think they do, or maybe they are a lot more upfront about how weird they are.  See examples below...

"Fit Freak" 

I love a tall, dark and handsome man, but this guy is too much.  He didn't have any real pictures of his face (hence the handsome might be a lie) and I gather that a man with that amount of spandex in his wardrobe might have a few issues.

Really? All spandex and a crop top? 

Is he running or competing in RuPaul's Drag Race?

I am all of those things in #5, but NOT going to happen.

"Singleicious Freak"

I'm not even going to say anything else.  I'll let the pictures and his profile excerpt speak for itself. CHEESE! WOOHOO

"Overshare Freak"

The suit alone should have been a dead giveaway that he is into himself and probably obnoxious.

Below are some tidbits from his profile that are really priceless.  These are only a few parts of a long and tedious profile, which was self-involved.

wow.

I guess he likes to snuggle?